


Hurricane

by luvsanime02



Series: Delete Winter [12]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abortion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Blood, F/M, Gen, Language, Teenage Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:40:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3734281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsanime02/pseuds/luvsanime02
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa doesn't think that she can do this, but she has to - for Eren's sake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurricane

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



**Disclaimer:** I don’t own Shingeki no Kyojin. That honor belongs to Isayama-sensei. I’m making no profit off of this fic.

########

 **Hurricane** by luvsanime02

########

Mikasa stares at her stomach in the bathroom mirror. It doesn’t look any different. Still, she knows. She knowsthat it is. Everything’s different now.

She can’t do this. She has to.

This was never a problem where they used to live. One of the few things that Mikasa and Eren had always been able to depend on then was regular birth control being supplied to them. But things are supposed to be different now. The two of them aren’t supposed to have sex together anymore, to not even wantto. But sometimes Mikasa does. Sometimes, all she wants is Eren inside her again, and touching her so gently, and both of them content and caught up in the moment.

So this is her fault. Eren would never push her if she ever said no, would just accept that things between them have once again changed. It’s Mikasa who doesn’t want to lose this. Because of her, they’ve continued to have sex, though not as frequently, and they’ve kept it a secret from everyone because they know no one will understand.

They’ve especially kept it a secret from her uncle, not wanting him to find out and separate them, to think that maybe those court officials were right, and that Mikasa and Eren shouldn’t be allowed to live together after all. Mikasa needs Eren. She’ll just run away to wherever he ends up if he’s ever taken from her.

So this has to stay a secret, her and Eren. No one can ever find out. If anyone does, despite her best efforts, Mikasa might never see Eren again, and that isn’t permissible.

She can’tbe pregnant. Not now. Maybe not ever. Mikasa can’t do this to Eren, who is just getting himself put back together. He’s been lively recently, joking and laughing, and she’s been so happy to see Eren acting like he did during those few years she lived together with him, Carla, and Grisha. Mikasa can’t heap one more responsibility on Eren’s shoulders when he’s already trying so hard.

She can’t deal with this either.

Mikasa looks into the mirror and stares hard and wonders, wonders… But in the end, there’s really only one thing that she cando.

Eyes calm, though her hand is shaking, Mikasa raises the filleting knife she took from the kitchen earlier, checks again that the door to the bathroom is locked, and stuffs a washcloth in her mouth so that she won’t scream. On the edge of the bathroom sink is rubbing alcohol and a sewing kit, and the strongest painkillers they own. She can do this. She hasto.

With this thought in mind, the knife steadies, and Mikasa begins to cut.

########

When she wakes up next, everything hurts. Dimly, Mikasa can hear a frantic banging. Eventually, she realizes that there’s someone outside of the bathroom door trying to get in. She looks around, confused. Somehow, Mikasa has ended up lying on the floor and there’s blood everywhere. Then she looks down at herself, and notices that it’s coming from her.

She passed out earlier before she could sew herself back up.

Suddenly, the banging gets more intense, and Mikasa can hear Eren screaming out her name from the other side of the door. She winces, but manages to pull herself up into a sitting position, biting her lip so that she doesn’t cry out from the pain. She can’t stop the tears though.

 _It hurt. It hurts. Make it stop._ _Someone, help me. Eren, Mom, help, it hurts._

She doesn’t let any noise escape. Instead, Mikasa stretches up one shaking hand toward the sink, where she can see the sewing kit resting. If she can just stay conscious long enough to sew herself back together. If she can just-

Her hand can’t reach up any further than halfway to the sink. Mikasa stares at the limb, willing it to move higher, but instead her arm curls back down to wrap protectively around her lower stomach. Her hand tries to put pressure on the cut but it’s too deep and too much, and finally Mikasa can’t stop herself from letting out a choked sob.

The pounding on the door grows louder. Someone is kicking it in.

 _No,_ Mikasa thinks, desperately. _No, damn it, you can’t come in here. Eren will see. He’ll know._

Desperation drives her to scoot back against the wall, and she tries to use this leverage to stand. Maybe it will be easier to reach the sink if she walks. Her legs can’t have failed her now too.

She gets partway into a crouch before her vision goes white and she falls back onto the floor. She can’t do it. She can’t reach.

Mikasa curls up into a ball, and it hurts so much and she can’t protect Eren after all, and it’s this thought that finally makes her start crying uncontrollably.

(It’s not the thought of what she’s just given up. Mikasa can’t let herself think about that.)

The door suddenly kicks in with a deafening slam, and Mikasa wants to flinch at the noise but she can’t force her body to uncurl itself. Everything hurts.

The screaming gets louder, more hysterical, but there is a lower voice speaking clearly and forcefully, and then towels are being pressed into her stomach. Mikasa can’t help but cry out again at the sharper flash of pain.

Then she is being picked up and carried out of the bathroom. The world is spinning and everything’s too heavy for her to bear anymore.

 _I’m sorry,_ Mikasa thinks, right before she passes out in Levi’s arms. _Eren, I’m so sorry._


End file.
